Get over Abusive Relationship

Are you holding on
to something from your past? 

FEAR

Emotional Abuse? Physical Abuse?

I forgive myself for allowing what I thought for so long was a monster in my life.

However, today I realize that person was a hurt soul. I have to pray
for healing.

Having experienced physical abuse, being stalked, threatened, and emotionally abused to a point where I felt I wasn’t worthy of love, friendships, or success.

I walked from a relationship feeling so low that it took a long while to respect myself and allow myself to be me once again.

Parts of me are still missing..

A letter of forgiveness to myself for that monster in my past… 

When we first met you were so kind, you treated me with respect. You smiled at me and I trusted you. Then slowly your words and hands slowly tried to tear my spirit.

I will never forget the first day you laid your hands on me, as you chased me through our friend’s apartment and hit me.

You apologized and I believed and forgave you. The emotional turmoil you put me through when you would call me a whore, telling me no one would love me, that I was a piece of shit.

I forgive you for physically and emotionally abusing me.

I forgive you for killing my kitten.

I forgive you for punching me in the mouth.

I forgive myself for permitting myself to fear you would kill me.

That was just the
beginning…

Do you remember when
I tried to break up with you?

Do you remember when I asked that you
not be in my life anymore?

You harassed me at work.. The job I loved and was excelling at you would call my office every two minutes telling my boss I was a whore and a piece of shit and that you would come into my place of employment and destroy everything.

I lost my job… I pressed charges against you ..

You tried to crush me.

You came to my home.. climbed a ladder and broke into my room and tried
to strangle me while I was sleeping…

My sister heard me banging my head against the wall trying to survive..

She came in and knocked you off of me. It became so hard to leave you.. I started to begin to think it
was easier to stay with you. I was wrong… It got worse..

The abuse continued.. you destroyed my car.. killed my cat.. tried to kill my spirit.

But you know what I realized after all of the years..

I felt so sorry for you and the pain you must have had in you to have that much anger and
frustration. It’s hard to imagine that anyone could be like that.

I saw the gentle side to you, I saw your goodness, I thought I could make a difference
and help you realize your worth in life. That was a journey that only you could travel. Just as my journey to heal from abuse from you and others in my life that I allowed to hurt me.

I still have an amazing heart.  I am an honorable woman that loves people.  I love to help others.  I thrive.  I am strong.  I am a survivor.  

To anyone being abused or is an abuser..

To others that are being abused or have been abused RUN! You don’t deserve this! The heart of the person abusing you is hurt and only they can choose to heal. It took me years to realize how I processed all of this. I thought I was good and forgave my abuser.

I allowed someone into my life that I thought I could trust.. I chose to feel hurt. I chose to feel  inadequate.. I chose to think I was not worth it. I chose to feel these things. He did not make me feel that way, I chose to feel this way.

I truly pray that the ones that hurt me have changed their heart and soul. I pray that
the abuse did not continue for others. I pray it stopped.

I saw years later that I was carrying the burden of this trauma with me without even realizing. I was pushing the people that loved me the most away. I was afraid to hurt again.

I release those demons and forgive. I forgive myself and I forgive those that hurt me. I will not carry this forward another day. It is time to pray for souls to be healed including my own.

If you are in an abusive relationship, witnessed abuse as a child, please get help, the scars carry on. Sometimes, those that grew up with abuse wind up being abused or being the abuser. It is not ok to abuse any person, animal, anything. We have to educate ourselves on emotional intelligence.

Lets stop the abuse!

Please go here for additional resources on getting assistance for abuse https://www.thehotline.org/resources/

This song by Kesha
made me think about this time in my life.

Today,
I am proud of who I am.. no monsters I can breathe again. “Kesha” 
I
hope your somewhere praying, I hope your soul is changing, I hope
you found your peace.